fuckin shit.
dunno what's bothering me
maybe it's my mum
maybe it's me.
heh.

mother's being seriously bitchy.
she actually came outside school to fetch me can!
waaalau
so pissed.
grrrr.
argh.
cant take it
life's so sucky.
and guess wad?
i brought it all on myself.
wow.
great.
sighs.
and more tears.

some people are being total fuckers.
yeah seriously.
argh.
they only care about their freakin lives.
hello
we all have a life too you noe.
everytime i ask you why
you say it's all part of life.
asshole.
so much for the friendship.
bloody bastard.
sigh.
dunno wad's wrong with me

really mood out.
dunt intend to smile.
but some people make me do so.
and i thank ya'll for that.
love you people.
takin my mind off the troubles for a while.
the only place i find peace at now is at school.
hehh.
some people hate school.
but i seem to like it.
cause it's much better than home.
seriously.
hehh.

sigh.
wantin not to live anymore.
heh.

sucky me.
)=


i really dunno what my heart really wants
what it really feels
one moment im happy
the next im sad
one moment life's beautiful
the next it's fucked up.
i really dunt understand myself.
i dunt understand why i smile so much despite all the wounds i have in my heart.
it's beyond repair.
fake smiles
fake laughter
people talkin behind me
people finding fault
people accusing me
im just so tired.
so sick and tired.
life.
havent understood the beautiful side of life.
why is it mostly fucked up?
why does He want it to suck so much when He loves us?
are You really there, God?

ive tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.
but though you're still with me
ive been alone all along.

sigh.
i just hopes He heals those wounds
cant take it anymore.
i dunt wanna do the thing i used to do.
thinkin about all those who love me and dont want me to do it.
i will continue loving you all.
thanks for at least makin me forget my pain and make me laugh and smile
(=
broken smile


past few days had been like umm. interesting.
heh.
had sports day today at serangoon stadium.
wasnt that bad.
sigh.
imissyou.

ha.
then went to watch infection after that.
lol.
scary.
about this infection which liquidefies your internal organs
and before the people die they will do horrible things to themselves.
freaky.
esp the part where the woman injects herself over and over again.
green blood
interesting tho.
ooooh..

then went for ri finals after that.
hmm.
cedar did dance well.
but rg got first for dance and commonwealth got second.
gees.
yeah and deyi got the overall challenge trophy.
haha.
great.
(=


i was so afraid this day would come.
it has finally came.
sigh.
i wish it never happened.
had a feeling though.
what's wrong?
sigh.
i guess it's over then.
tears

she is of no help anyway.
all she cares about is her life.
she and him.
i dunt even think she would care even if i told her.
sigh.
all she wants to noe is wad happens.
haiys.

fuckedup life.


haha
school wasnt that bad today.
slept during a maths
and half of e maths.
lol.
i passed my e maths test!
wow.
haha.

and yeah i think renny and i pissed banana off during physics.
lol
disturbin her so much
ahaha.
little scribbles all over her hand and leg.
ahaha.
sorry eh.
no hard feelings.
ahaha.
laughin our asses off.

drama.
heh.
dhiv is talkin to me now.
devi said i improved.
smiles-*

haha im suddenly in love with rich girl
by gwen stefani.
lol.
(=


i dunno why
life has been lil miserable.
hmm.
dunno eh.
sigh.
hope banana comes tmr
if not i'll be bored dead.
heh.

and yeah.
sigh im once again pissed with her.
i just dunno why.
after two years she still hasnt learnt.
heh.
i really dunno wad to say.
=x

haiys.
i want the good charlotte cd.
chronicals of life and death
the death version.
heh.
im in love with the songs
ahaha.
at least it just boosts my mood up.
heh.
whoa.

it's all in confusion now.
haiys.
dunno if it's serious.
sighs.

had drama today.
devi said i improved.
(=
but it aint enough.
=x
no comments.
dhiv still aint talkin to me.
she still thinks i used her name
i swear i never told any one i told her that i was leaving early.
heh.
wonder who was the person who told her that.
crapped up person.
bloody hell.

lil mood out.
lil happy.
lil miserable.
lil upset.
all mixed.


I need an alarm system in my house
So I know when people are creeping about
These people are freaking me out these days
It's getting hetic everywhere that I go
They wont leave me alone
There's things they all wanna know
I'm paranoid of all the people I meet
Why are they talking to me?
And why can't anyone see

I just wanna live
Don't really care about the things that they say
Don't really care about what happens to me
I just wanna live Just wanna live,
just wanna live, just wanna live, just wanna live, just wanna live, just wanna live

I rock a law suit when I'm going to court
A white suit when I'm getting divorced
A black suit at the funeral home
And my birthday suit when I'm home alone
Talking on the phone got an interview
With the Rolling Stone they're saying
"Now you're rich and now you're famous fake ass girls all know your name
And Lifestyles
Of the Rich and Famous your first hit arn't you ashamed"
Of the life
Of the life
Of the life we're livin'

I just wanna live
Don't really care about the things that they say
Don't really care about what happens to me
I just wanna live

Stop your messing around boy
Better think of your future
Better make some good plans boy
Said every one of my teachers
Look out better play it safe you'll never know what hard times will come your way
We say where you coming from we've already seen the worse
That this life can bring
Now we get expect it everywhere that we go
All the things that they sayYeah we already know

I just wanna live
Don't really care about the things that they say
Don't really care about what happens someday
I just wanna live
Just wanna live just wanna live just wanna live

I just wanna live
Don't really care about the things that they say
Don't really care about what happens someday
I just wanna live
Just wanna live just wanna live just wanna live


guess it's over.
i dunt want it to.
tears
sigh.


i made a mistake.
very big one.
joining.
fuckthem.
gees.

all they do is just comment and comment.
fuck that person.
she only thinks by giving comments it's gonna help.
my dear, by scolding the people more and more
it's just gonna get worse.
and they will hate you
and all the more they wouldnt wanna do it properly.
no use just shouting vulgarities at us.
it doesnt scare us.
it just makes us think that you're also a fucked up person.
when you say that we are fucked up.

gees.
i/cs these days.


i never had a chance
to have ya'll to listen to me.
never.
never in a million years.
even if i did tell
no one hears
or believes.
freak this.
we might have had our little squabbles when we were young.
but that doesnt mean we have to take them all
in the years we have to go?
why is it that ya'll are so crapped up?
sighs.
wad the fuck issit about me that ya'll hate dammit?
just tell me!
i dunt see a need to spread fucked up rumors about me.
and then askin my fren about it
ya'll got a question come ask me
intead of askin my fren behind my back.

is this wad you talk about you being so matured?
huh jennifer?
is this wad you talk about being brave?
huh joy?
is this wad you talk about others talkin behind your back or family's back?
huh joel?

fuck this.
i've had enough.
i cant take it anymore.
if ya'll just wanna ruin my life
come tell me
i'll just leave.
but b4 that.
just tell me wad issit about me that ya'll hate
i tried so hard to fuck off your damn lives.
i managed to.
i never came in between any of your life problems
did i?
i never contributed to any of your problems anymore
did i?
i fucked off your lives
youjollywellfuckoffmine.

i need no more of ya'll.

i have my friends.
and i love them.
i dunt need ya'll.
it will just be the way it is.


i really loved you
i did.
i dunt understand why.
i really dunt.
sighs.
all i hoped for is that you would change.
but i guess that might never happen.
not now.
sighs
tears.
all alone
in pain.
although i will never get you
all i can wish for is that you will treat the others well at least.
sigh.
ilikeyou.
somuch.

i dunt noe why.
im like confused.
haiys.

drama's ok now.
heh.
im like contradicting wad i said last entry.
heh.
haha.
anyway.
i still wanna watch be cool
and samara.
heh.

hiding away my pain.
___stillwaitingforyou


dunno why but im beginning to dread drama.
maybe it's cause of the ics who scare me.
heh.
sighs.
i died today.
rubi screwed me for not going for drama.
sighs.
it's just this week which im really busy.
im sorry tho.
heats and all.
gees.

had 10x50 today.
grr i slipped the baton.
crapp.
haha.
but had fun running.
i suddenly love running
dunno why
lol.
(=

hmmm.
imstillconfused.


cool.
chill-

had all outs today.
haha.
ran with natasha.
how about she was flying with the wind?!
haha.
so faraway from me.
heh.
came in second.
dunno if my timing sucked.


my mum is being a total bitch.
argh.


had bio test today.
heh the open ended was much easier than the mcq.
haha..
school wasnt that bad also.
haha i passed my physics!!!!
lol
im so proud of myself for once!
ahaha.
had a maths test also.
gees i din complete it.
)=

ahaha and bee wee.
she and her www.iloveamathsdotcom.com
scribbling it everywhere.
lol.
crazy girl.
haha.
and yeah i totally had a fun time disturbin banana.
hahaha.
i think i got her deaf already.
haha. im sorry horny rach.
i noe you were.
hehe.
(:

mum pissed me off real bad.
cause she said that she would bring me for be cool
and it ended that she din wanna go.
growls-
arrrr.
i wanna watch it badly.
and samara also!
haha
saved 7 bucks!
lol.

and yeah had a freakin headache during school.
couldnt take it.
argh.
sighs.
im gonna stop.
i want to.
and i will.
gonna give it all away.
sigh.
stamina's dropping.
and i dunt want it to.

drama prac's being a dragg.
but im not gonna think about that but be serious about it.
haiys.
but i dunt even think im good enough.
i cant even cry.
heh.
wad's there to act.
grrr.
cant get emotional.
dunno wad it's like to be barren in that drama.
sighs-

heh
it's all mixed emotions today.
sad, happy.
haha.
but i wanna be happy.
and still hope to be.

_______still waiting for you.


haha.
cant sleep.
it's like the third entry for today.
lol.

sighs
there's bio test tmr and i havent studied.
haiyo.
slacker me.
heh.
gees.
all i hope for is to like study later and everythin will get into my head.
yeah.

hmm.
life's like not bad now.
except for that thing.
gees.
ilovehim.
i dunno why.
but i just do.
dunno how he feels.
but yeah i like him
and i will wait for him.
and i swear.
heh.

hmm.
i wanna watch be cool!
arrr.
haha.
heard it was a great movie.
lol.
rock's acting in it.
wooo.

they showed ms congeniality today!
woo.
my favourite movie.
hehe.
was kinda boring today.
hope it'll be funner tomorro.
all i hope for is to see him somehow.
(=


sigh.
cant even get a nice blogskin.

depressed.
all i want is you.
and im serious about it.
i cant take it anymore.
maybe it's cause of those times.
im sorry.
but mainly i got out of them cause i realised it was you i liked.
sighs.
iloveyou.
i really do.
tears
onceagain.
cant take it anymore.
i will wait.
and i swear i will.
iloveyou.


haha growls.
diaryland's diary entries cant be viewed and it's like takin so damn long to load back.
heh.
anyway.
i like my new blog's name!
lol.
imperfect69.
woo.
haha.
yeah.
i'll be posting back right after i get everythin set back to normal.
as in templates and all.
(=

cynnthiaChitrah
11Jan`90
Temasek Polytechnic


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