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Monday, November 21, 2005

To you, the world.

i was always unaware.
i never did it on purpose i really say.
this is one thing i never got to know.
well until now.
and now i realise.
well i could say.
i was very stupid
to have not realised wad kinda person i was.
i admit
looking back at the past
i realise how terrible and a different person i was.
and to say i bitched about others.
but hey.
who am i to talk about them?
when i myself am like that?
i have no one to care about.
except myself.
i live for myself
and myself alone.
in the end
i only have myself to cry for.

i've thought about it alot.
alot.
about all the things that have happened.
wad i want to do.
to tell you the truth.
i feel like i have no one anymore
in my life.
really.
i dunt know why.
i'm hurt beyond words.
i'm so confused.
so angry.
i fear
that there'll be no one anymore for me to smile with,
enjoy that warmth of being together.
that's one big thing.
friendship.
it sounds like a small thing.
but hey it can do ALOT.

my past ends here.

i'm not gonna let myself fall anymore.
i'm gonna stand strong.
i want to show you, the world.
that i change for the better.
be a whole new person.

but there are some things i cant change.
no matter how hard i try.
people will still talk no matter wad.
i made wrong choices in the past.
which has permanent concequences.
although i regret,
i cant change facts.
i pick myself up from now.
change whatever i can.
i leave all the memories behind.
and start anew.
i want to forgive.
and i'll do my best to forget.
that's one disadvantage of having a gift God gave us.
which is memory.
the profile of the old cynnthia ends here.
i repent.

and i really have to say.
im very very sorry to all those i've hurt.
i really am remorseful now.
i really mean it.
it's up to you all to forgive me.
to every single soul.
all who hate me.
all who love me.
all who regard me as foes.
all who regard me as friends.
all whom i know.
and hurt in ANY way.
ANY way.
im truly sorry.
i want to start my whole life afresh and new.
i live for myself.
and no one else.
and to all those who put me down and hurt me beyond.
i forgive you.
all hard feelings gone.
and yes.
things wont be the same again.
that's for sure.
but i'll still live the way i want.
a better person.
a better life.
i dont want to live in darkness anymore.
i dont want to live in fear anymore.

and this is to you.
to every single soul i know reading this letter.
to you, the world.

.cynnthia

11:17 PM