i really dunno what my heart really wants
what it really feels
one moment im happy
the next im sad
one moment life's beautiful
the next it's fucked up.
i really dunt understand myself.
i dunt understand why i smile so much despite all the wounds i have in my heart.
it's beyond repair.
fake smiles
fake laughter
people talkin behind me
people finding fault
people accusing me
im just so tired.
so sick and tired.
life.
havent understood the beautiful side of life.
why is it mostly fucked up?
why does He want it to suck so much when He loves us?
are You really there, God?

ive tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.
but though you're still with me
ive been alone all along.

sigh.
i just hopes He heals those wounds
cant take it anymore.
i dunt wanna do the thing i used to do.
thinkin about all those who love me and dont want me to do it.
i will continue loving you all.
thanks for at least makin me forget my pain and make me laugh and smile
(=
broken smile

cynnthiaChitrah
11Jan`90
Temasek Polytechnic


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